i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
