I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
