My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Randomize