When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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