i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
i believe in u and ur pee
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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