I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
