I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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