I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
