too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
