Well apparently he's into motor boating.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
