thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
