yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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