i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
