Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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