wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
