Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
