How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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