Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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