she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
