Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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