Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
