Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
