Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
