This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
