Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We have started to decorate penises.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
