Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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