Having a random hookup so left but love u
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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