Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
