My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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