Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
