my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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