butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
