I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
