So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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