Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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