Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
