i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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