I murdered the dance floor call the cops
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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