so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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