Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
