I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
