i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
