hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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