Me too!
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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