He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
