my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
