they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
It's just like the Real World with babies
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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