This is not my ceiling
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
