ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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