Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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