I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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