I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
