tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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