OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize