I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
