So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
