Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
