You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
