that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize