Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
