I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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