All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
