She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize