I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
