My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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