your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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