and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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