I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
