K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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