the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
