I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
