Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
