Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
