i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
