I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
