just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
