I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I should be sponsored by Trojan
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
