Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
