You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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