That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
