I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
