I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize